


I Hate You

by Evie_adams273



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling, If/Then - Kitt/Yorkey
Genre: Angst, Astoria - Freeform, Auror Raid, Aurors, Character Deaths, Child, Gen, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, I HATE YOU, I'm really sorry about this, M/M, Movie Nights, Plot from a song, Popcorn, Post-Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Scorbus, Scorbus have a daughter, Scorbus' daughter, albus potter - Freeform, crossover plot, emergency mission, family move night, no happy ending, plot from If/Then musical, scorbus angst, this is scorbus, you don't need to know the plot of If/Then
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25687084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evie_adams273/pseuds/Evie_adams273
Summary: When Albus sits Scorpius down in the lounge one evening to talk, the entire world turns upside. There's even a countdown. A countdown to the possible end of the world.But it'll be fine. The chances of that happening are a million to none.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Scorpius Malfoy, Scorpius Malfoy & Harry Potter, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter
Kudos: 25





	I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings: law enforcement, death, vomiting/mentions of vomiting, post-trauma,
> 
> Just a note, I do not support Aurors or the concept, as presented here. I just wanted to write this plot and the character in If/Then is a soldier
> 
> Also, spoilers for If/Then

Scorpius followed his husband through to the living room, smiling through his confusion when Albus directed him to sit down on the sofa. Albus placed a cup of tea in front of him, along with a biscuit that Scorpius couldn’t help but be suspicious at.

These biscuits were saved for special occasions because they were expensive and fairly difficult to get hold of. Last Scorpius had checked, they hadn’t had any in the house. Albus had gone out of his way to procure one and that meant – Scorpius didn’t know what it mean. He ignored the anxious pit in his stomach as Albus sat down opposite.

“I’m about to say something,” he said, not meeting Scorpius’ eye. “Please listen with an open mind.”

Scorpius’ hands begun to shake but he quelled it, opting to allow his irritation to show. Just a little. He and Albus both understood each other. They knew every part of every behaviour. It didn’t take much thought to work out why Albus wouldn’t meet his gaze. But Albus had asked him to listen, and listen properly, so he would try.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Dad contacted me the other day,” Albus started, “regarding being an ex-Auror.”

“And?”

“I know I’m technically retired from it but…”

It took half a moment for the weight of Albus’ words to dawn on Scorpius. He shook his head.

“No. No way.”

“I hadn’t finished.”

“You are not going back into action. You’re not going on a raid.”

“Scorpius,” Albus seemed near snapping. “Listen. Listen to me.”

Scorpius stopped, looking at his husband and nodding at him to continue. He had to listen. Listen with some sort of open mind, though how he would do that now, he didn’t know.

“It’s a raid,” Albus explained. “It’s a raid on a major illegal operation. They haven’t got enough Aurors trained to make it successful. Dad asked me back because he knows it’s going to end there. All exits will be cut off. All of the evidence is there. This is just the arrests, but there might be a fight and they need backup.”

“You’re in the backup.”

“Yes. I might not even get called up. I’m in the last group for backup. Dad pulled some strings – or did something. I don’t know. I’m in almost no danger.”

Scorpius bit his lip, looking away from Albus. Half of his mind screamed at him to fight from letting Albus walk out the door. It would fall on deaf ears, but he had to try. He didn’t care about being selfish when Albus’ life was in the balance.

“You still might get called in.”

Albus didn’t say anything.

“You’ve fought so many battles,” Scorpius tried to keep his breathing steady. “We’ve both been fighting this – this shit – since we were fourteen. We were kids. We were kids when this started. You’ve done enough.”

“It’s one more fight that might not even be mine.”

“You have a daughter.”

Scorpius looked at Albus, not bothering to mask his growing anger. What end did that serve? He understood Albus. He understood Albus’ need to prove himself. But at the risk of his life? 

“Scorpius…”

“ _We_ have a daughter, Albus. We have a family and a life. You left the Aurors and the ministry because you knew the risks. You left so we wouldn’t lose you.”

“It’s one raid, Scorpius,” Albus said, half-snapping. “If they don’t have backup and it goes wrong, it will turn into a massacre. If I am there, as part of another team, they have more chance at succeeding and no one needs to get hurt.”

“There’s still a chance.”

“We can’t just shelter ourselves from the world.”

“Why not?” Scorpius went to close the door so they didn’t wake their child. “We’ve dealt with enough of the world’s BS. Why not?”

“We’re the Malfoy-Potter family. We’re going to have people coming after all of us for the rest of our lies.”

“Then let’s deal with that without adding to it.”

“It’s one raid.”

“And then it’s another. Another favour. And another. And another.”

“Scorpius, I’m not going to let it come to that. I’m not an Auror anymore. It’s one raid. The worst that’ll happen is I’ll end up in St. Mungo’s.”

“What if it’s worse than that?”

“It won’t be.”

“It might.”

Scorpius screwed his hand into fist, his eyes filling with tears as he dug his nails into his palms. He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t lose control. Albus could make his own decisions. He was a capable wizard. They weren’t kids anymore. And Scorpius knew he had a habit of being irrational.

Albus had agreed to go on this raid. He couldn’t pull out. Scorpius had to respect that and understand Albus had thought this through. He believed there was little risk.

Scorpius looked back at his husband, at a loss for what to say. Despite every logical fibre in his body arguing otherwise, all he could consider was the worst case scenario.

“I need you,” he croaked, wiping his tears on his sleeve. “Please, Albus…”

Albus walked over to him, taking his hand. Scorpius let himself be led to the sofa, where he perched on the arm. Albus crouched in front of him.

“I don’t like making promises,” he murmured. “You know that.”

“Two promises,” Scorpius muttered.

“One to them, and one to you,” Albus nodded. “You know me better than anyone else in the world, Scorpius. You know I’ve already said yes to this.”

“I know,” Scorpius pulled his hand away a little. “Okay. When – when is this?”

“In two weeks. I have to go back in for a training recap.”

“You have to tell Calista.”

“Is she old enough to know I’m doing something like this?”

“She’s eight. And she needs to know you might be saying goodbye to each other. You can’t just not come home.”

“I’m coming home.”

Scorpius looked at him, no longer fighting the tears rolling down his cheeks. Two weeks. Either they had two weeks, or they had the next seventy years. Probability suggested Albus would come home and they would have the seventy years. Fear, combined with a sense of impending doom, suggested otherwise.

“It’s late,” Albus murmured. “We should go to bed.”

“You go. I’ll come up soon.”

* * *

They told Calista two days later. All three of them ended up in tears, and Scorpius had to withdraw from speaking about halfway through to stave off an anxiety attack. But Calista understood. As much as an eight year old could understand.

Albus littered the conversation with promises that he would be okay and that he would come home. Scorpius didn’t know whether to trust him on those. He wanted to. Merlin, he wanted to. But he understood the risks. He knew what Albus had thrown himself into.

Auror work had dangerous at the top of the job description. Albus being called back as an emergency meant that they were facing something unprecedented and they were dressing it up as something mild.

Maybe lives would be saved. Scorpius would have been lying if he didn’t admit to himself that he would do the same thing. Albus wanted to protect people. But Scorpius wanted to be selfish. He wanted to tell the rest of the world to fuck off. He and his husband had done so much to get the life they had. Scorpius wanted to keep it, no matter how selfish that made him.

In the same way that he would have sacrificed a world for his mum.

Scorpius sighed inwardly. Even the internal battle was a lost cause. He shut it down. It had no purpose. Albus had agreed, explained it. Calista hadn’t stopped crying, but she snuggled up next to her papa. Albus wrapped his arm around her, looking at Scorpius.

“Are you okay, love?”

“I’m fine,” Scorpius lied, standing. “Why don’t you two pick a film? I’ll make popcorn.”

He wandered through to the kitchen, putting three or four handfuls of kernels into the pan and turning on the stove. In the next room, Calista seemed to have her heart set on a particular film and Albus had started to set it up.

Scorpius poured the popcorn into a bowl, carrying it back through and settling down next to Calista. Albus was sat on Calista’s other side and together, the three of them snuggled up together and pressed play on Howl’s Moving Castle.

* * *

Scorpius started to take time off work. He did his best to time it when Albus wasn’t in training or at the Sanctuary. He didn’t make a big deal of it, simply because he didn’t want to face the fact that he had entered an irrational spiral.

Albus had assured him, over and over, that he would be okay. Scorpius wasn’t willing to take a chance. Not that he ever had been. His husband walking into a situation where he would be putting his life on the line, and walking in willingly, shouldn’t have even been a thought. But here they were. And Scorpius would be damned if he didn’t spend every moment with his family.

Albus would come home. They would laugh about for years to come. It would just be another memory.

Scorpius had brought up the alternative one evening, after Calista had gone to bed. Albus hadn’t been angry. They talked it over. What Albus would want from a funeral, with his things. Punctuated with promises that he would be completely fine.

Scorpius didn’t know whether he felt better or worse after that conversation. Or a strange mix of both. He hated the anticipation, the not knowing. But he never wanted the night to come.

So, the two weeks that were not going to be the last days became full of love and light and laughter and distractions. Albus invested himself in it more as time went on, causing alarm bells to go completely ballistic in Scorpius’ head, but he didn’t say anything.

Not until about four days before.

He scraped his nails across the back of his wrist, muttering to himself. The constant battle with selfishness had exhausted him and he just wanted it to stop. He needed everything to stop.

Albus would come home in the morning. They’d have a meal, and then Scorpius would actually go to bed because Merlin knows he wouldn’t be able to sleep while Albus was gone.

Scorpius looked up at the ceiling, blinking back tears before Albus came into the room. He didn’t want Albus to feel guilty. He didn’t want to stop Albus’ decisions.

“You okay?” Albus had walked in.

“Yeah,” Scorpius nodded.

Albus sat down beside him, taking his hand. He interlinked their fingers, eyeing the tell-tale scratch marks on Scorpius’ arm.

“Scorpius,” Albus whispered, “what’s going on?”

Scorpius sat up. “It’s nothing. Honestly, it’s selfish.”

“No filter,” Albus cupped his cheek. “No judgement. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Scorpius didn’t say anything, trying to breathe between the waves of nausea. Albus waited, not letting go of his hand. Scorpius collected himself, all of the thoughts he had held back for a week and a half. No filter. No judgement.

“After mum, when dad started getting really distant, it was easier to tell myself that I only needed you. That I would be okay with just you because you kept me safe. You stopped the bullies and, when you couldn’t, you stayed with me. When I cried myself to sleep, you were there, and I thought – I thought it would be okay…everything would be okay…because…because you…” Pause. “And I know things got better with dad. I convinced myself that I was okay without you – especially when you started dating other guys. I was okay with it. But we’re here now. We’ve been a pair since we were eleven. Before that, my life was isolated. I’d always felt alone. Every summer without you, it was horrible. I don’t want to go back to that. I don’t want to lose you and spiral. I don’t want to fade and fail Calista. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Albus took both of his hands, looking Scorpius in the eye and wiping away one of his tears.

“If I die,” Albus murmured, “you won’t be alone. You’ll have your dad. You’ll have _our_ family. You won’t fail Calista. No one will let that happen.”

“But you won’t die,” Scorpius forced a smile. “You’re going to be fine.”

“I’ll be fine.”

* * *

The day came. Scorpius tried not to make a big deal out of it, but failed around dinner time. He didn’t want make a small deal out of what could have been their last night together. He tried, and failed, to find the middle ground. But it didn’t matter. All three of them had cooked. The room had been full of laughter and life.

And then Albus said goodbye.

No. Not a goodbye. A see you later. Impermanent. Temporary. Definitely temporary.

Scorpius and Calista sat down to play a boardgame for a couple of hours and after that, she went to bed. Scorpius went through to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, instead ending up sat on the sofa.

And he just sat. He didn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep. He just waited for either the best or the worst. He turned on the radio at about one in the morning, but no one said anything about any raids. Scorpius was almost glad. Raids only got ongoing reports if they had gone catastrophically wrong.

At about twenty to two, it occurred to him that he didn’t even know where the raid was. He didn’t know where his husband had gone, and he almost wasn’t afraid anymore. Just numb.

Scorpius turned the radio off, starting to wash up. He’d already done it but there wasn’t any harm in doing it again. He didn’t really wash anything. He just ended up letting the warm water run over his hands. Back to waiting. Back to numbness.

The stairs creaked at about two in the morning. Scorpius turned off the tap, taking a tea towel and turning around to see Calista stood in the doorway. She’d wrapped her blanket around herself, swaying on her feet.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled. “I keep trying but I’m really scared.”

“Okay,” Scorpius beckoned her over. “Shall we sit here?”

“Do I have to go back to bed?”

“No. Not tonight. You’re allowed to be awake or asleep or however you need to be to be a little less scared.”

“Are you scared?”

“I’m terrified.”

Scorpius wouldn’t have admitted his fear to anyone else. But he couldn’t lie to Calista. Lying to Calista served no purpose when they were in a scary situation. It was okay to be scared. He’d been scared for two weeks. For much longer than that.

And lying to Calista meant lying to himself. If he did that, he would lose grip on some vital part of reality. Something else he couldn’t afford to do.

* * *

Scorpius and Calista spent the rest of the night on the sofa. Calista curled up beside him, falling asleep, and Scorpius didn’t disturb her. He dozed in and out, to the point where he wondered whether Albus would sneak in and scare the living daylights out of both of them.

Scorpius smiled, letting his eyes drift closed. Calista burrowed closer to him, still asleep and clutching her blanket. She stirred at the sound of the doorbell, looking at Scorpius.

“Wait here,” he stood up.

“That’s not papa,” Calista swallowed. “Papa has the keys. He doesn’t use the doorbell.”

“Wait here,” Scorpius said again, heading down the hall.

The nausea had started to rise up his body, causing him to stop and balance himself more the once. Four AM. Four AM and the doorbell had gone.

Scorpius opened the front door, his stomach sinking as he saw Harry Potter stood on the other side, still in uniform. A cut on his cheek had been bleeding recently, though hadn’t warranted medical attention. He had dirt on his face, somehow making him look unpleasantly gaunt and hollow. He’d been crying.

“Morning, Harry,” Scorpius’ voice came out more croakily that he had intended. “Where’s Albus?”

“Can I come in?”

“Where is my husband?”

“This is – this is difficult–”

“Calista is in the kitchen,” Scorpius said. “We’re staying here. What happened.”

Harry relented, nodding. He leant on the doorframe to balance himself, before looking Scorpius in the eye. Scorpius looked back, not ready for whatever was coming, but unwilling to leave room for misinformation.

“We underestimated the scale of the raid,” Harry started quietly. “We had to call in the backup sooner than anticipated. Albus was in the front. Near it.” Silence. “He was hit with some sort of curse. He didn’t make it as far as St. Mungo’s.”

Scorpius’ knees buckled. He grabbed the door to steady himself, looking at Harry. No. No. This was a prank. A stupid fucking prank.

“No,” he swallowed. “No.”

“I’m sorry, Scor–”

“When was this?”

“Pardon?”

“When did this happen?”

“About two hours ago.”

Scorpius sunk back against the wall, resisting the urge to punch it. He didn’t try to quell the rising fury. Fury at Harry for leaving it two whole hours. Fury at Albus for accepting the request to be involved in this fucking raid. And fury at himself for letting Albus go.

“I tried to come sooner,” Harry said. “Believe me, Scorpius. I tried. I’ve only just been able to get away–”

“Two hours.”

“I didn’t want to send someone else. He’s my son. I didn’t want to send someone you didn’t know. This is about family – our family.”

Scorpius didn’t say anything. He didn’t have anything to say. Part of him still believed it was some sort of fucked up prank. Something that couldn’t be real. But here they were. Stood in the doorway at four in the morning. And he was staring at his father-in-law, knowing that Harry wasn’t lying.

Scorpius hadn’t seen that look in Harry’s eyes since their fourth year. Since they’d seen Voldemort, the real Voldemort. Harry wasn’t lying.

“Where is he now?” Scorpius tried to keep his tone level.

“St. Mungo’s. Listen, Scorpius, I know this – I know…and the funeral–”

“I’ll organise it,” Scorpius half-snapped. “We – we talked about it. I’ll organise it.”

“Do you need anything?”

“You should go home. I need to talk to Calista.”

“Is she awake?”

“Neither of us slept.”

Harry said something else, but Scorpius didn’t register it. He nodded, closing the door and sinking down against it. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking as he clasped them and hugged them close to his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t make himself breathe because he needed Albus and Albus wasn’t going to come back.

Never coming back. He’d left through this door less than a few hours ago and now his body was lying in a morgue all because of some stupid fucking raid.

Scorpius screamed, throwing his head back against the wall. This couldn’t be real. This all had to be some elaborate prank that he would argue with Albus about later.

He would have done anything to have that argument.

Because he knew the first chance he would have to have it would be in the afterlife. He had to tell Calista. He had to organise the funeral. He had to keep going because the world wasn’t going to stop for him to mourn.

He’d had so many nightmares. He’d had so many nightmares where the Augurey killed Albus. He’d always woken up and crawled into Albus’ bed, just to make sure none of it had been real. But Albus had been gone for two hours.

Scorpius had known. He’d felt it, deep inside, the moment that Albus had slipped away. About the time Calista had come downstairs. He’d just known.

He looked up to see Calista in the hallway, her eyes full of tears. Scorpius beckoned her over, wrapping his arms around her as she sat next to him.

“Where’s papa?” she croaked. “Why was grandpa at the door?”

Maybe Scorpius’ inability to breathe was a sign from the universe. Maybe the universe was instructing him to be with Albus, wherever Albus was.

Part of him wanted that. Wanted to give it all up to be with Albus. But one glance at his daughter reaffirmed the other instinct to the universe to fuck off. He had things to live for, and he had things in the world that needed him.

“You know papa said he was going back to his old work for a night?”

Calista nodded.

“He had to go and fight – he got hurt.”

“But he’s okay? Is he in the Hospital?”

“He’s not okay. They didn’t make it to the Hospital. He – he died…”

Scorpius stopped breathing again as Calista stopped moving. She stared forward, silent and blank. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes, trickling down her cheeks and dripping off her chin.

They sat for a long time. Scorpius didn’t have words, and he hated himself for that. He had lost his mum – he knew how much this hurt – and yet he couldn’t comfort his daughter. What was there to say? Her papa was gone. Albus was gone. And Scorpius just wanted to slip away.

He wanted to get angry, too. He wanted to get angry with Harry for asking Albus to do this. He wanted to get angry at Albus for saying yes. He wanted to be furious with the killers. But he didn’t have the energy to be angry. Harry would be in mourning. The killers were probably in Azkaban by now. And Albus was gone.

* * *

The sun rose. It climbed up through the sky. It started sinking again. Scorpius watched it through the glass in the door. No one had knocked. No one had come. Scorpius appreciated that.

It probably reached two o’clock when someone knocked. Scorpius didn’t move, but the door opened anyway and his dad walked in. Scorpius met his gaze, unable to react.

He sat down opposite them, his presence flicking some sort of switch. Scorpius started to cry, the numbness dissipating into the air. His dad got closer, allowing both his son and granddaughter to move into his embrace.

“Have you eaten today?” he asked softly.

Scorpius shook his head.

“I’m going to make you both some food,” Draco said. Scorpius made to say something, but his dad held out a hand. “I know you don’t want to eat. I know how you feel. But you both need something I can’t promise it’ll help, but you still need to eat.”

Scorpius looked away, only looking back when his dad placed a hand on both his and Calista’s hands, helping them both to their feet. Calista stumbled, so Draco picked her up and allowed her to bury her face in his neck.

Scorpius couldn’t bring himself go to the kitchen. Last time he’d been in there, he’d still had some hope that Albus might come home. And the kitchen would surround him with Albus. His scent. The flowers he picked from the florists. The little china things Scorpius insisted they didn’t need to quell his want, that Albus had bought for his birthday.

Albus’ cooking. Albus cooked a lot. The room had grown full of a thousand flavours over the years. The recipes pinned on the walls around the room. The date nights where Albus would tell Scorpius to close his eyes and pick, and that would be what Albus cooked. Albus never let Scorpius cook on those sorts of date nights.

Scorpius couldn’t go back in there. Not yet.

“I’m going upstairs,” he croaked.

He didn’t hear an answer, trudging up the stairs and stopping outside their room. This would hurt more. Of course this would hurt more. But Scorpius could stomach doing this. For some stupid reason or another.

He pushed the door open, new tears tracing down his cheeks as he walked in and collapsed onto the duvet. He grabbed Albus’ pillow, shoving his face into it and trying to savour the sweet mix of coffee and cologne and apple shampoo. Scorpius wrapped Albus’ side of the duvet around himself, hugging the pillow into his chest. It didn’t make him that Albus was there, but nothing would ever do that.

Scorpius didn’t want that either. He didn’t want to forget only to remember again.

So he just lay on the bed, smothered by the few remaining parts of his husband. He’d go to the morgue later. He’d have to plan the funeral. He’d have to ward off the press and the paparazzi. He had to find the strength to come out of the shell they’d built for themselves.

Scorpius would have screamed if there hadn’t been people downstairs. He would have screamed about the injustice and unfairness of it. He would have screamed about how it wasn’t right. But he’d already been down that road. He had gone down it every night for two years. It had never gone anywhere useful, so he didn’t want to go down there again.

Someone knocked at the door. Scorpius didn’t respond, but it opened anyway. He didn’t look up. A weight settled beside him on the bed, waiting for him to move slightly. After a few minutes, Scorpius looked up to see his dad watching him. He rolled over.

“How did you do it?” he croaked. “How did you survive without mum?”

“I didn’t,” his dad murmured. “I didn’t cope after we lost your mum. I know how hard it is, so I’m going to be here. Right here.”

“What?”

“You and Calista need space. You know there will be days when you don’t want to move. When you don’t want to eat. When you don’t want to live. I’m going to be right here. I’m going to look after both of you. But if you need space, I also understand that.”

“No,” Scorpius nodded. “I – thank you.”

“I failed you. After your mum passed, I left you alone to be lost, and I won’t let that happen again. I won’t let you destroy your life when it isn’t what Albus wanted for you. He wanted you to be happy.”

“I know.”

“He left something for the both of you.”

Scorpius sat up, leaning back against the headboard. Of course Albus had done something like this. Of course he had known more than he had let on. Scorpius wasn’t angry with Albus. He could never be truly angry with Albus. But his death, and the forces that had taken his husband, Scorpius could be angry with those.

“Albus turned up on my doorstep a few days ago. He seemed close to tears and he explain that he was more concerned for his safety than he’d let on. He asked me to give these to you if anything happened.

His dad pulled a package from his robes, passing it to Scorpius. Scorpius undid the string, his eyes filling with tears at Albus’ handwriting. Letters, nearly two hundred letters, all addressed to him. Most had instructions on when he would be able to open them – birthdays, other significant events, or just when he felt specific feelings. One of them just said to open for a little random message each time. And there was one addressed for today.

“I’ll be downstairs,” his dad planted a kiss on his head. “It’s going to be okay.”

Scorpius nodded, opening the letter and pulling out the parchment. He didn’t want to read it. He didn’t want to face this as a possible reality. But what he wanted didn’t matter.

_Hey love._

Scorpius started sobbing. He could hear Albus reading this to him in his ear. He blinked the tears back so that his vision cleared again.

_So, it appears things didn’t work out. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have agreed to it and I know that. Even if I’d made it home, I would have said the same thing. I would have said sorry then. And I’m sorry now. I’ve fucked up. If I had a shot at a do-over, I’d take it. I would do everything in my power to avoid hurting you._

_You’ve been screwed over by so many bad deals in your life. I’m still shocked you chose to stick it out with me. I didn’t feel worth it. But please know that, no matter how I died, I died thinking of our family, and thinking of how incredibly grateful I am for this wonderful life you’ve given me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me._

_I’m sorry I did this. I’m sorry that I’ve left you and Calista. I hope that you are able to continue your life eventually. Don’t hold back from things because you think I wouldn’t like it if I were still here. I’ve caused you so much pain with my life decisions. If you’re able to move on, please do. I know you’re never going to forget me._

_Please don’t fall apart. I know that’s a big ask. No. It’s ridiculous. But Calista needs you. She’s going to need you for a long time yet. It’s selfish of me to ask you to cover for my mistakes, but since I can’t be with you, please stick with life. It’ll get easier. I promise. Because I’ve seen you and I know you. I don’t know anyone stronger than you. You can do this. I believe in you._

_I don’t know if there’s an afterlife. If there is, I’m going to find your mum. I’m going to make sure she knows exactly how much you love her. And we’ll look down on you together. We’ll be with you and Calista through the rest of your lives. Maybe we’ll be a little bit like the angels and devils you hear about on people’s shoulders._

_Don’t rush your life. I’ll wait for you. If you move on, I’ll be happy for you. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will always love you._

_Do what you want with the other letters. Open them when dated. Open them earlier. Don’t open them. It’s your choice. I love you._

_You are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I’m sorry I screwed you over so much._

_Albus_

Scorpius closed the letter before his tears could smudge the ink. How on earth was he supposed to process this? At least he could be sure Albus had found Astoria. That gave Scorpius some sort of peace.

He glanced over at the photos of his mother, the parchment underneath one catching his eye. The funeral plans. Albus’ funeral wishes. Things that could wait for another day. Things that could wait until he’d seen Albus.

He had to visit Albus today. He had to say goodbye. Do the right thing, even through it would tear him apart. Albus deserved that much.

Except Albus deserved more. So much more. Albus deserved the moon and the stars on strings. Albus deserved a life, a proper, full life. But instead, he lay on a cold slab in a Hospital Morgue. All because he had tried to be a good person.

Scorpius screamed out, pulling at his hair to stop himself thinking. Merlin. Merlin, it would be so much easier to be able to transform it all into something that hurt his body over his mind. Just his body. He could cope with that.

He couldn’t cope with this.

* * *

Scorpius went downstairs when he had calmed enough to walk. Calista and his dad were sat at the kitchen table. Tear tracks ran down Calista’s cheeks, a half-eaten sandwich abandoned on the plate in front of her.

Scorpius’ dad looked up and Scorpius shook his head and as he started to talk.

“I’m going to the hospital,” he muttered, his voice catching. “I – I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“Do you need us to come with?”

“No. I need to go alone.”

Scorpius’ dad nodded, and Scorpius walked to the fireplace, grabbing his coat from the rack. He pulled the hood up and stepped into the flames, letting them take him away.

Scorpius nearly tripped over upon exiting the St. Mungo’s fireplace, having crashed into several Healers rushing past. He knew where the morgue was. He’d visited before. But he couldn’t move. Either because his limbs refused to work, or because hundreds of people rushed around the lobby.

Scorpius looked around, none of what he was looking at actually entering his head. The waves of emotion just kept coming. Scorpius stood until someone came up to him, trying to talk to him. He couldn’t really hear what they were saying.

“Sir. Sir, can you hear me?”

Scorpius flinched. “Sorry. Yes. I’m sorry.”

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave. We’re dealing with a serious crisis and visitors are prohibited for the moment.”

“I’m going to the morgue,” Scorpius mumbled. “I know where I’m going.”

“What’s your name?”

“Malfoy-Potter – Scorpius.”

“Who are you trying to see?”

Scorpius opened his mouth to answer when someone appeared behind him, taking his shoulder and making some excuse or another about who he was with and how he was okay to be there. Harry. Harry Potter. Harry Potter led him away from the crowd towards the morgue.

“Thank you.”

“The morgue is supposed to be open,” Harry said. “Message doesn’t seem to have reached everyone.”

“What happened?”

“Curse fallout. Big one. Most of the Aurors are injured.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault,” Harry muttered. “I put everyone in harm’s way, knowing it had catastrophic potential, and I got cocky. I’m sorry, Scorpius.”

“How – how’s Ginny…and Lily and James?”

“Ginny isn’t speaking to me. Lily and James – I don’t know. But if there’s anger, they’ve got every right to direct it at me. It’s my fault.”

Scorpius didn’t disagree.

“How’s Calista?”

“Dad’s with her. He says he’s going to be around whenever we need him.”

Harry nodded, opening the door to the morgue, and Scorpius forced himself to not be sick. Not that he had anything to sick up. He didn’t know what he would see. He didn’t know what would have happened to Albus. He didn’t know. But he kept walking.

“Albus is over here,” Harry led him past the rows of openings, growing slower with every step.

Scorpius’ knees buckled when Harry opened the hatch. He pulled himself up and approached the tray as Harry uncovered Albus’ face.

At first, it looked as if nothing had happened. Like Albus had gotten a little ill and was asleep. But, on a return glance, the marks on his neck became clear. Spidery, twig-like marks that had almost strangled him. The skin around his neck had turned a light-green colour. It seemed lumpy in texture. Scorpius ran his hand through Albus’ hair, his eyes filling with tears.

“Do you want me to stay?” Harry asked from behind him.

“I’ll be okay if you need to go,” Scorpius didn’t look away from his husband.

Harry’s footsteps echoed away and Scorpius sunk down slightly, finding Albus’ hand and intertwining their fingers. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t ever want to let go.

Maybe he didn’t have to. Maybe he could just stay here with Albus and exist within a fantasy reality for the rest of his life. He had done four days without Albus in his lifetime. Four days where Albus had been dead. Those had nearly killed him.

Scorpius had recovered from that time. He’d recovered from Delphi and from the Augurey and from the horrors he’d witnessed (not the ones he’d taken part in). But recovering from Albus being gone, and then fresh possibility of losing Albus, had never happened. And now Albus was dead. With no way to bring him back, not this time.

But he couldn’t stop his life. He couldn’t shut off and pretend that anything other than reality existed. He couldn’t lose Calista. He loved his daughter with everything in his heart, and he had hindsight on his side. He could do this, for Calista. For Albus and Calista.

“I love you,” Scorpius whispered, his eyes filling with tears. “I’ll always love you. And if you can hear me, I want you to know that I’m not angry with you. I know why you did this, and I know you wanted to protect us. This wasn’t your fault.”

Scorpius ran his hands through Albus’ hair again, taking a deep breath in a smiling slightly at the smell of shampoo. 

“I’ll tell Calista about you,” he croaked. “All the things we couldn’t tell her together. I’ll tell her, and I’ll tell her that you’re listening and I know you’ll be laughing at my retelling because I’ll miss out something important. But she’ll know you. About you. All the things you didn’t get to tell her. About how brave you are. And how you would have done anything to save us. How you did everything to save us. I’ll show her the photo albums and the Hogwarts memories and I’ll tell her stories about the stupid things you used to do and all the places you used to spend time at school and...” Scorpius trailed off, lost in reminiscing.

“I’ll make sure she knows how much you loved her.”

“I’ll make sure we both know that.”

“I still love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, again, I don't support the current policing system, I just wanted to write this.  
> Thanks for reading  
> Kudos and comments much appreciated  
> Twitter: @evie_adams273  
> -  
> Fuck JKR  
> Black Lives Matter


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